I can't believe its been 2 years already. SO much has changed since then. That was the starting point of my descent into chaos. I spent that whole summer debilitated by panic attacks and insomnia. And then when I was finally starting to settle down, the final few remaining shreds of my life were ripped away within weeks of each other.
But this isn't about me, its about Grandma.
She was the only grandparent I really knew, as both my Mom & Dads fathers died before I was born (my Dads in the early 60's, and my Moms in the early 70's), and my Grandma Julia (Dads mom) died when I was like 3 or 4. She was always kind to me, even though she was difficult and it was obvious she was a pretty unhappy person. The last few times I saw her, she would always comment on how what I was wearing was "cute". But it wouldn't be things you would think an elderly woman would consider "cute". It would always be my skull and crossbone socks, or a pyramid spiked belt with nautical stars on it, or something like that.
I remember one time, when I was 16, I went to visit her during the summer by myself for the first time, and it was MISERABLE! She was always hassling me because I'd sleep late, and she yelled at me for drinking "too much" diet coke (two much=2 or 3 cans. WAAY less than some people I know). In fact, she considered it as bad as my Grandpa Deans smoking. Relax, Grandma! It was terrible. A terrible week. But now I look back and smile, because that was just her.
The last time I saw her (April 2009), she was in a rehab center because she had almost died (on my birthday. Thats another story), and she randomly told me this story about how she was at a park one time when my Uncle Bruce (Moms older brother) when he was really small (before my Mom was born, so probably like 2 or 3), and he was sitting on the ground, and this cat came up to him and was rubbing and loving on him, and then she suddenly walked off to the bush where she came from, and started coming back and one by one brought all her teeny kittens to him. And he was just incredibly stoked and happy to be surrounded by all these kittens.
I love you, Grandma, and I hope to have the longevity you had!
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