Every month and a half or so, I go through a period of time (usually a week) where I just get totally overwhelmed, and everything feels totally fucked. This is one of those weeks.
Today I told my Dad I don't want to continue with the Human Services program I started into at the local community college, and we had a disagreement about it. If I do continue with school (I didn't even mention the fact that after going for one quarter, I actually just want to get back into the work force and go at my hair career seriously again. I'm pretty sure he would have flipped out on me), I just want to get a general Associates Degree in Arts & Sciences. He kept trying to tell me do some other technical program, and I was just like look, I already did a fucking tech program (ok I didn't say it like that), I just want to get some higher education. He was not pleased, and was not really fucking listening to me. Then he started being a little jerky about it and talking to me like I'm stupid and a fucking moron. Pisses me off :-/
His attitude of talking down to me has been going on since I was a teenager, and I felt like I was 15 again this afternoon. Not happy.
The truth of the situation is, that I haven't really been doing anything for the past year and change, and have been living beyond my means (but staying out of debt because of an inheritance that is quickly running out). I feel like a loser.
My Dad was not happy about my plan, but you know what, I'm 27 years old, and seriously I can't live in fear of disappointing him anymore. Because I do. I hide my tattoos from him. I bite my tongue every time politics come up. I'm afraid to stand up for Animal Rights against him I can't do it anymore. Seriously, though if I am going to get a good paying job outside of the salon industry some day, I'd need to do general education stuff that I'm doing now anyways. All offices require you to be familiar with Microsoft Office/Excel/Etc., and yes I'm pretty good with writing, but I still need to brush up on my grammar skills anyways. AND, I think Psychology, Sociology, and Poly Sci would personally enrich my life.
I'm doing this. I re-submitted my Financial Aid form today (I qualify to get a Pell Grant of $4,000), and am going to bust my ass over the three weeks between quarters to get a better paying job(I already applied at this one super rad higher end salon in Tacoma that is hiring. Hoping I hear back from that one), and get away from being financially dependent on him, because I just don't like this. I don't care how damn hard I have to work, I'm just sick of feeling the way I do, and have for the past over a year. I took my time to get over being depressed about my life falling apart, and now its time to rally and get my shit together, because this is just ridiculous.
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